What’s there?

Hey! wake up’ came the sound when someone enthusiastically came to meet my sleepy soul.

Almost baffled, I asked- ‘Who are you?’- ‘Your instinct, we need to talk.’

Despite of all my knowingness of probable reasons still urging me to think of all commitments from way back due to its unusualness, I expressed my gratitude- ‘You came at the time when I needed you the most’.

‘Well you were the one who called me in your unheard voice, the words which you wanted to yell out but remained within yourself’.

‘What should I do, when I can’t tell her but wants her to know?’ -asked my soul, this one sentence coming almost as the gist of all those numerous questions taking rise with an impounding load.

With a grin featuring relaxation of anticipation and having answer, it replied-‘Write it!’

So here I am writing it out for you straight from my soul with a chance of keeping a part of my void ironically filled with your memories.

Pretty philosophical it is, that’s what they said and went away like a train from a platform which it would never cross again, my voice remained seated like that left-out traveler optimistic of catching the lone rider passing by to take him away from that lonely place where once intentionally resided, no longer pleases him. That composed companion together like symbiotic relationship giving out the motivation to take him ahead of all those who left him there. Taking it to the whole new wonderful world of yours where what remains seems to be divine. Getting its senses back, as it starts to live that surrounding comes the beautiful moment where it interrogates its existence.

Each time I feel, I see, I experience and then ask to myself- ‘What’s there’?

Each time I urge myself to move forward, get the courage to face the world but then comes a niche, with the divineness of a pilgrimage brought up with serenity where whole surrounding comes to a halt & nothing else matters when I stand before you. With this implicitness comes the thought again- ‘What’s there?’.

There’s always a beginning. There is so much to express that I get perplexed for a plausible start but anyway I will have to. Each time I begin to write, there’s always some work waiting in queue for its turn so I have to give it a break after all writing for you demands my temporarily formatted hard-disk to think of something worthy. And so, that I have finally extracted the space to compose a creek of whole sea, its 6’o clock morning with me sitting in my room in front of laptop, sun coming up outside with its rays disguised as new hope-new start. With the surrounding still getting over its tiredness, me as a solitary reaper stands with crops around to give something for the ones whom he cares for. Writing for you is easy but more tricky. At the time when I have so much to write, optimizing it for you to stumble upon is really tedious. All the cherished moments of mine with you comes up with intricacies of every single seconds.

I respect you! – pretty straightforward it is & sounds peculiar too but I wish I could have any other word to fathom my care. I refrain from all those activities which could annoy you still I want to, not with your weirdness rather when you will come yourself to spend your free moments. To debate over all those silliness because I didn’t have much to talk, just I wanted the time to pass by without its whisper. And for that respect, I couldn’t get the courage to face you, to see you while you were around or talk to you while I was craving to. You didn’t go unnoticed by my instinct and you won’t go either.

Yes, my instinct! I can feel your presence, I can feel that motivation & courage to face my difficulties when you are around but that courage didn’t work for you, the provider of it. You are the one, each of whose moments I still remember with exact details- when, where, why and all your W’s. But they are few and while I am writing it and thinking about what to write further, I figure out even if I describe all of them, it wouldn’t be enough. I still don’t know much about you while almost one year has passed.

Give me the chance to know you, give me the chance to spend other beautiful moments with you, talk to me, ask me what I wanted to tell, ask me why didn’t you call when you have given the permission to, tell me you need not to fear, give me the chance to make you laugh every time with my words, to make you smile like the one that is on your face now as you go through this post, to bore you sometimes and then coming up with innovative ways to crack you up. Hold it, realise it, accept it- this whole thing is for you, deep excitement, light talks, ridiculing problems, get angry, chide me even if it not my fault, bearing it, getting over it, politeness making me a better person. Know it, admit it, deep breadth, hitching heart, get over fear then ask me ‘there?’ and I would say- – – -‘ALWAYS’- – – – -.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “What’s there?

  1. Dear Chandan,

    I think you have the heart to write and a love for someone special. I liked the opening conversation between your mind and your instinct. Nice touch. I’m guessing that English isn’t your first language so some things feel awkward. The fact that you have the courage to write speaks volumes to me. We learn by doing, don’t we? Nice.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • First of all thanks a lot ma’m for accepting my request.
      Yes its absolutely true that we learn by doing. Being a novice, I have way to go and I am really trying to improve to remove those awkward!

      If I take upon the first line, then I should admit but that ‘special one’ still doesn’t know that I have written it. 🙂

      Like

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