To be updated soon.
That I wrote for you. In hope that you would read it someday and ask for the rest.
Because nothing beats the meaningful vagueness of a heart-felt letter.
…So I’m sitting in a cab. Pretty much numb. Silent. Unaffected by the annoying traffic noise or the AC that’s giving me chill even in the noon time. My parents are with me at the back. My brother is in front but none of us seems to have much to say.
Just two days ago I met my parents, after months. There were here for my convocation. and I’m leaving them so soon because day after tomorrow I have to report for my job training. I have my train in few hours and they have theirs tomorrow. This silence creates this subconscious ambiance for my thoughts to wander off.
Suddenly I remember to check some of my old stuffs in my old mobile. I have given it to my father now. It’s the same old phone that I had given to your friend once. While going through my files, I came across the song ‘Yun Hi‘ from the movie ‘Tanu Weds Manu‘. It’s still one of my favorites, you know. And it brought back some memories from my initial college days. Things that have meandered off in the memory lane just like many others.
Back in those days, I used to listen to this song a lot. I don’t know what about it that resonated but somewhere it struck the right chord. Probably the lyrics I think. I noted all the other songs from the list as well so that I could download them into my phone later. All those songs were there for a reason. They have been undemanding companion in different phases of my life.
So when I boarded my train and I had nothing else to do than just lie down and wait for the time to pass, I started listening to this song. Just few seconds in and I knew what it is that I was missing. Whenever I used to listen to this song, specially at late night in my silent dorm, I use to picture someone. Someone special, you know, whom I could attribute each of those words of the lyrics. I could never clearly picturize that person. It was always vague.
We don’t really see our imagination perfectly materializing, do we? But we come to associate it with something or someone that really comes close to that imagination. And when I was back in college yesterday, for the convocation, this thought crossed me for the umpteenth time – ‘what’s that still need to be done? Is there anything I’m leaving incomplete?’
At that very moment a picture popped up in my head. The picture of yours. Smiling. No I think it was smirking because you were always with your superior logic before my illogical prompts. Anyway so with the song and this lurking question occupying my thoughts, I could work out the connection quite conveniently.
There could be no one else whom I would dedicate those lyrics to than yourself. You have no idea what you meant to me and when I say this, I talk in a very positive sense. You have always been a huge motivation for me, knowingly or unknowingly. I never had a chance to really be with you, to know you more as a person but from the proximity that I was able to get to, you always stood as a subconscious pillar of eternal support.
May be it was the complimentary nature of our characters that drew me towards you. You are everything that I am not but I wished I had. In fact you are much more than that. And I needed it. So now that I look back and think what’s still left incomplete. It is to say – Thank you! Thanks a lot for being who you are. Thanks for being a significant part of my life which I embrace so dearly. For me, you’re just the perfect and I wish that you achieve whatever you strive for. Be the happiest. All the best…
When you’re working in an organization, the repercussions of your actions are propagated throughout the company. You’re no longer an individual entity. #CorporateLearning
It was evening drenched in drizzle, about a month ago when I was travelling back from a rather tiring day at office that I came to know that I would be starting my field training in Delhi in next 2 days.
Now this single sentence sparks around hundred questions that I need to address to my regular blog readers but lets just keep it for my next post ‘Post-College Aftermath‘. My dormancy on this blogosphere would be better explained there but for now here’s what happened in Delhi.
Ticketing, packing & travelling done, I landed at the place slightly known to me through my sophomore year internship. I have been to Delhi before that as well – once in my childhood when, as I remember, I hated this place so much that I use to cry everyday to go back. It was an alien abode for me. Not so much now.
The transit flat that became our second home for the next 3 weeks was one of the nicest place I have ever stayed in, apart from of-course home and my beloved college. Not just the location & the ambiance but the caretakers there were some of the nicest people I have ever met. The treatment was not less than royal. Being acknowledged as the company officers and the perks that come with it were not something that I am accustomed to.
My cousin has been staying in Delhi for the past 10 years or so. The moment I reached my room, I called to let him know that I’m in Delhi. Unsurprisingly, he was quite surprised. Luckily he was not much far away from the place I was staying in – Saket (a place in South Delhi). I immediately texted him my address and he came over.
My cousin and I have a very nice bonding from ever since I remember because of the life ethics we share. Our catch-up meeting quickly turned into a funky rendezvous when he discovered my interest in video making. He is into performing bathroom-stage comic arts and I, on the other hand, am always in search for the subject for my next video.
Though it took me sometime to shed aside my hesitations and shoot anything outside of the courtyard, our chemistry kept the momentum going. Whenever we met on weekends, we made sure that atleast one WhatsApp story comes out of it. He was much more eager to be in the videos than I for one making them.
Fun continued and so did the work. Each day I would wake up to a delicious breakfast and a discussion over the transportation medium we should take to reach the destination. Though the destination kept on changing each day. Not to bore you with the technicalities of my work, I had numerous things to learn each day. From machinery to operation, planning, management and the trick of trade – it was learn-it-all in a nutshell.
Delhi houses so many diverse places to visit – from sought-after historical places to grandeur malls, from fun-filled amusement parks to big public libraries. One would never get bored with this bustling city (may be I should the permanent residents). Though my whole-day office certainly put a huge constraint over time and energy we preserved to wonder around, we did manage to explore couple of places.
Having accommodation in a posh area had its own perks. The sports complex and two gigantic malls nearby were the biggest saviors. Not to forget the marketplace on the other side where we could find food at affordable prices. Eating at mall’s food court often would have heavily loosen our pocket.
<!– I started this post as a diary entry to account my day to day happenings in Mumbai. I’m here for my job training (More on this in future posts.) Later I got into fun stuffs and forgot about writing about the activities. But don’t worry, I would add them subsequently –>
The day rolled out pretty smoothly as I ticked off the tasks at hand. The journey of this bit tiring ordeal started with my train halting at a rather deserted station. From what could I observe, it appeared grand though. Now, I’ve been to CST station earlier once but I couldn’t identify it this time. Most of the passengers got down at earlier stations itself, so it was just me and few more people in the train.
When I saw the train literally empty, it’s then I asked one of the passengers on the station if it was CST. He replied in affirmative. I took my stuffs and got down. First I got confused as to where should I exit from. I saw few taxis on the other side of the nearby barricade but the passengers were moving ahead, so I followed them thinking the exit could be that way. Only after moving forward a bit, I realized it’s indeed CST from its grand Victorian architecture. My trolley bag’s handle broke down once again. I had given it for mending before coming here. Anyway I booked the Uber and came to the hostel.
Here I met few fellow students. Though I had a fair idea of it being good but the area where our hostel is, is just exotic. It’s Hiranandani Gardens! IITB is just a km away and all the other buildings are sky-scrapers with classic architecture. I came to my room, shot some B-roll for the vlog, went onto the terrace and some photos and videos. It was now evening time and we got ready for the dinner. We went into the hostel’s mess at 7:35 PM but the guy there told us to come at 8:00. Stricken by hunger we decided to go out and have dinner.
Initially we kept on roaming around. We went into the market nearby that goes by the name ‘Galleria’. You can find a whole lot of commodities & accessories there. We were looking for some cheap place to eat. As it goes without saying – Mumbai is essentially a place for the riches. Everything is so expensive here. We couldn’t find any food that could decently fill our stomach under reasonable price. Finally we settled at the cheapest one we could find. The food was good but not sufficient.
After dinner, we went to the famous Powai lake nearby. Though we couldn’t enjoy it much for it being night. Came back, got refreshed, changed my clothes and went for my editing work. I was really tired by the end of the day. I had hardly any energy left to proper think about the edit plus being it the first day, the subconscious distractions were really high. Finally I went to sleep late at night after checking my social medias ( I think it’s getting toll of me these days).
—————–End of day zero—————–
It’s just few hours away that I pack my stuffs and leave the college. I’ve completed all my official procedures but there is this one thing left to do. Writing this bid-adieu blog post – my last post from college.
This blog has been one of the best things I did in college. Whenever I needed something to tell and didn’t want it to be limited to the audience I had physical interaction with, this blog presented itself as a sophisticated medium to vent out. Even after 3 years, it feels like beginning. I have a long way to go.
There are few major things on the top of my head to write in this blog post. Firstly about this abstract title I had put – ‘Popsicle On The Ground Floor‘. It’s hard to deduce any correlation of this childish rhetoric with anything I’m associated with. To be honest, it just popped in my head one day during my usual walk around the hostel area. As I tried to fit in to what I was going to write about, it gradually started making sense.
My (or better I put ours) whole college life was journey for a popsicle, a symbolism for reward in return for the efforts – popsicle of knowledge. We were made to believe that in order to get that reward, we would have to climb up, trudge and in fierce situations even crush others in order to be at the top. The trail of wisdom was transformed into a track for the rat race and it irked me often.
I was here to learn engineering, realize the importance of innovation and learn the art of real-life problem solving but this would have been nearly impossible had I confined myself within academic domains. All that most people worried about was marks and it infused a genuine hatred in me for the same.
Although I did find myself in the company of enthusiastic peers who were sincere towards their work. I learnt a lot from them. With time, I realized it was all within us throughout. Whatever we want to do in life, the itinerary for entire journey lie with us. But with the traditional path, the importance of a paper (degree) takes over the weight of our aspiration. Although I do comprehend the intangible value of our college education and I would be ever grateful to this place for providing me a compelling ambiance but the real reward was already there with us right from where we started and it will always be.
When I started my college, I told myself that the day I go out from here, I should be a person with no regrets. My entire endeavor here was channelized towards that one goal. But let me tell you this truth where the inconsistency lies – there will always be something small or big, major or minor, that will bother you till the last day or after. We as a naive being, venture into the pursuit of perfection but forget that ‘to err is human‘. It’s a good thing in a way that it shows you were not stagnant. It shows that you were striving to move forward and not remaining still.
One such thing that would always pinch me was to not put forward my entrepreneurial venture – Nightmeals. Yes this has been a secretive ordeal till date but I’m going to write about it openly today. Several times on this blog I have emphasized on the importance to publishing your work. When you attempt to do something revolutionary, you either succeed or you gain experience. But it can’t be called a success or failure if was never put it to test in the first place.
In our junior year, me and one of my friends decided to solve the huge cafeteria problem (food related problems in general) we had in hostels. We identified the pain points and devised a solution adorned with tons of features like opening/closing time, automatizing orders, collection & payment, etc. It was all there to reduce the unnecessary waiting time while your order was prepared or to cut down the hassle of coming all the way to the cafeteria only to find it closed. We felt the genuine requirement for it and Nightmeals was the perfect solution to assist students in this segment.
We were naive in terms of skills but the idea was well validated. Eventually we started working and things started coming together. We began to see our goal clearly and worked well beyond our usual academics & other occupations in order to achieve the traction. But what should have been otherwise extensive (and it would have if the entire thing lied under my control), the work kept on delaying.
The biggest mistake was to wait till it was all suited to launch. Just when we were ready, we screwed up with the code/database management and then our end semester examination approached. Afterwards we were churned up into vicious fight for placements. Things went downhill and the momentum lost was never regained. I’m planning to write about the tech specs of this fiasco on my tech-blog and the things I learnt from that, so keep eye on that.
The bottom line is that the idea that I cherished dearly for so long could never come to life. None one would know what shape it took, how it worked or even worse that it ever existed if not from the mere words written here. We lost it because we weren’t serious about it throughout. We eyed the end result but didn’t think about the journey thoroughly as like numerous wonderful ideas that die everyday somewhere. Takeaway – Discipline is the key.
My regular readers would be well aware of my fascination with film-making in the last semester. I have embedded lots of my videos in my previous blog posts. If you haven’t checked out my YouTube channel, I would highly suggest you to (this blog is the only platform where I indulge in self promotion 😛 ). Here’s my latest video –
Making videos kept me really occupied during the last semester. Also it was a great way to escape from the eventual boredom that kicked in as the ending approached. Most of the times, I was thinking ideas for my next video, shooting, watching a lot of editing tutorials and later editing the footage. Initially most of the efforts were put in persuading my friends to be the subject of my videos but later, funny as it may sound, I started getting so many requests from my friends for casting them as my videos gained viewers’ attention.
Being in the college during a running semester meant that I would be spending most of the time within the campus (my room to be specific). This confinement of space gave me an opportunity to explore it from different perspectives. As is evident from my videos, all of them were shot in IITH except Vizag Diaries episodes.
Thing is, I seriously got into film-making and storytelling after shifting to my new dorm in permanent campus. I was in ODF earlier where our temporary campus was located, for 3 years. Now I wonder what all stuffs could I have done if I had started making movies right from my freshmen year. I did start learning cinematography there though (later borrowing DSLR camera from the seniors and photography club to learn) but again it’s about finishing and publishing. That happened only after shifting. So that’s that.
Few days back I went back there to get the no-dues signature from the workshop and I was able to picturize those familiar places as the lost canvas. I could have used them a little more. Although for my last visit this time, I didn’t forget to capture few footage as memorabilia – hostel area, old insti, the workshop and of course the foresty way to the workshop – and what better way for it for a film-maker than to make a film out of it. I’m currently working on the ODF montage but here’s the glimpse that I made using Google Photos –
As I sit in my room for the last time and write this post, I feel a bit nostalgic about leaving this place. This has been my home away from home for the past one year. All my creations, my critical decisions, my transformed self have come out of this – I have formed an everlasting memory. Leaving it does feel strange even though I’m very well aware of eternal legacy. This has been good, but it’s time to say good bye for even better tomorrow 🙂
Stay tuned. Peace! ✌
Read it, write it, print it like those famous quotes hanging on your walls or just memorize it for the time eternity but keep this in mind – “No matter how much of deep shit you’re stuck in, there is always a way out.”
You can solve majority of your problems (or you wouldn’t get into them in the first place) if you’re true to yourself. Honesty is not telling yourself (the infamous) “All is well” but rather to introspect what lead to mortifying circumstances. It may seem like a strong word to use but consequence of you fooling yourself could be disastrous.
So why am I telling you this all of a sudden?
It’s the sudden urge of circumstances. Things happen like they always do. They teach us things like they’re supposed to. I learn them and sometimes write here like I should do.
This post is not yet finished but I had to put this out because ‘done is better than perfect.‘ I could wait till I have tweaked, refined and polished every word I’ve written. I could keep on reforming every sentence until it exactly represents what’s there in my mind.
But then may be in the due course I would forget to do all this. This post would be lost in oblivion. It would just sit in the drafts like many others of the past. It would be like my videos which I worked on, in bits and pieces, over the past few days but still didn’t release them. Why? Because I couldn’t materialize them to the point of my satisfaction.
Here’s my own little version –
It’s the end of this month – the last month of college. I needed to write a lot of things in this space. It’s said that the beginning is always the hardest but in the retrospect of perfection, I think finishing and putting it out in open is the toughest part. So I thought to be vulnerable this time. I thought of leaving it incomplete. See here it is, my insecurities, my struggles, the so called ‘behind the scenes‘ of Divine_Lifez.
Isolated from the herd of wits and bullshit,
knocked over, by the choice of mine
By the choice of yours, I surmised
The onsetting dusk, I lamented;
For what it’s worth, I tried, mending
The broken bond, the shattered link,
Asphyxiating every ounce of my conscience
Of reason, now nearly lost, faded;
O thou confidante, my mate of ages,
Where thy friendship paled,
Faith vanished, yacht of trust sailed;
Leaving me here, belittled
By the mockery of circumstances,
You meandered into an abyss,
Never meant for me to wander;
Weathered, toiled & trudged, I have
To be where I resolutely stand, I tried
To pull you back from the chasm
In futile, for all in vain, at last I inquired,
I questioned – is this how it ends?
I prayed, not, yet if not otherwise,
Among the scarce choices,
I had to choose right, for the multitudes
That surrounds my mortal self, unaware you,
Blinded by basic human jealousy, it affronts
More than penitence, it outrages my senses;
Reminiscing the chronicle of obscured meaning
I now sing this ode to the end of an era;
I struggled writing this piece because I wanted to bring in as much clarity without being specific in depiction. This poem recounts my personal experience of recent times, which, as I recall, I have encountered in past too but this instance is much more intense. It felt like an unexpected blow to the fragile castle I was cherishing all this time.
I do not intend to incentivize over the broken bits but rather remind myself that it is a part of life. It hurts and it teaches me a lesson. It may seem irrational yet it begets rationality in my maturer self. It kills the hope yet shapes my expectations.
Author’s Note – I write about certain events on this blog because either they need to be told or I want to document them as learning experiences. I do not expect others to gain much from the later category, given their specific contexts. This is one such post. It has troubled me recently and I needed to vent out the feeling.