Lessons In Failing

At times, I’m gripped by this crippling fear of failure.

I have always refrained myself from talking about failures. There hasn’t been any ‘what if‘ or ‘plan B‘ in my conversations ever. It’s about winning all the times because that’s what you are supposed to show, right? No one will talk to a failure. No one will ask and there won’t be anyone to seek advice, not even your close ones. You are basically a social outcast. But deep down I’ve known how I have always been running away from this fear. It’s by spending this energy on masquerading my failure instead of working on my preparedness that I basically prepared for its inevitability. Who was I kidding with this happy facade around myself? I’m vulnerable.

I can recall specific moments from my life when I have felt this. It’s always those liminal spaces, the valley between two peaks, the pit before the leap, when efforts failed to materialize and I was running out of options (remember? there weren’t many, to begin with). Confidence dwindled, self-reliance took a massive hit. Under uncertainty, every prospect seemed blurry. Things have certainly gone better afterward but this fear somehow finds its way again. I call it ‘crippling’ because it forces to ooze out every drop of my pride.

So, why am I writing this? Well, now that I have this big pile of rejections sitting by my side, I can finally come out and talk about my perfect imperfection in open. I have failed so many times that I have lost the count by now. I once started maintaining a folder in my laptop for rejections of the tangible kind (sadly, your personal goals & ‘game of hearts‘ doesn’t end up with such notice). It had screenshots, each containing a polite apology on the lines –

We appreciate your interest in this position but we found a more suitable candidate for the job. We will consider your application if any new opening comes up.

Ummm…Thank you?!

This is a system generated mail. Please do not reply to this message. 

Few failures in life are necessary. They teach us invaluable lessons which we wouldn’t have learned otherwise. They show us a weakness in our methodology/preparation/approach, giving us opportunities to self-reflect, mend and improve. But failing too many times shatters you to the core. It’s even worse when you don’t get feedback on your mistakes. I feel there is actually a threshold age after which you are supposed to figure out everything on your own.

I have been at both the extremes. There have been days when I was at the zenith of confidence while some days I found myself doubting my capabilities. Was there any meaning to my endeavor? I questioned. I have come to realize that the line in between is much thinner than I used to think. All it takes is one core component to go wrong which you were betting too much on. It’s a delicate balance driven by circumstances. My ingenuity suddenly starts to feel like a grand play of ‘imposter syndrome‘.

Anxiety never really leaves us, even more so nowadays when we are surrounded by continuous waves of FUD (Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt) inducing information. We grow restless. Restless makes its way for stress, anxiety, and depression. Often, while scrolling my twitter feed (or internet surfing in general), I come across memes like this –

meme

 

As much I would chuckle over its silliness, I would marvel at its astuteness as well. I don’t support making fun of mental health like this but I certainly had those days when I just didn’t want to wake up and face the day. Lying on my bed with my face buried in the pillow, shielding myself from the outside world through my quilt, I could feel the time passing by. Day turned its phases but each inch of my body would shriek ‘not today‘. Does deliberate sleeping solve the problem? I don’t know.

I don’t mean to give any pessimistic vibe. Optimism is my biggest tool. Hope has been my most effective weapon to fight adversity. I have sorely passed through difficult times having faith even though luck hasn’t been a laudable companion so far. Also, it’s by failing and rising up numerous times that I have managed to reach subsequent pedestals in life. But hope isn’t a tangible thing, is it? Can hope be attributed to certain things? How do we realize hope? What gives us strength at nonchalant times?

It’s quite subjective to each individual. Though I’m no expert (as you must have come to know), there are certain things which have given me solace in difficult times and I wish to write them here. Maybe it would help someone else or maybe one day in my happy times, I would come back to this post and know what state was I once in and how I made it through.

Less screen time – If there is one indicating factor which can quantify our modern lifestyle, it would be the ubiquitous presence of screen around us. As much as I embrace tech, I always had this love-hate relationship with screens. The Internet can be an overwhelming place and when the situation is to contemplate over big questions concerning myself, I better maintain a distance. I have had intermittent periods of complete boycott, quite too frequently in recent time. Here’s my friend’s excellent post on the same topic – One Week of Algo-free Lifestyle.

Stop Overthinking – Have you ever noticed how voices in your head get stronger when you let it to? “Would you please stop thinking for a second?” –  I say to myself. Often this thinking majorly constitutes of comparison than actual strategizing. The more we grow, the more expectations we hold on our back. The cut-throat competition apparently put us in the league of geniuses where failing is never seen as an option. But are we really running the race for the sake of it or the end goal is the one we should focus on?

Reading – This is the umpteenth mention of ‘reading’ on this blog but I still feel it hasn’t been stressed enough for the profound impact it had on me. Somehow, in the obscure literature of my recent finding, I have discovered solutions to my lingering questions as if it were my deliberated search for an answer in the very same piece. Read because you can. Read because you never know. Brainpickings & Zen Pencils are two of my favorite go-to destinations.

Crafts & Novelty –  You need not always look at everything you do from the prospect of a profession, no matter how good you are at it. Pursue it because you love it, not because you want something from it. Remember those childhood doodling habits you have cherished over the years? Maybe you like to sing, swim, make music, craft stories, solve puzzles, cook delicacies, take photographs, stitching/knitting – it could be anything, as long as you enjoy it. Cultivate a hobby & find novelty in it. They have tremendous potential, far beyond our realization. These are the things that enliven us. Remember, when things get dim, those little lights illuminate our way. Find something which when you see or listen to, you can say – ‘this gives me joy‘.

Music – I think most of the people either understand very little and don’t understand the realm of art at all. They try to contain the uncontainable because they haven’t experienced it the way you have. Making them understand is futile because you can’t put wording to it. It’s abstract. This has been the case with me. Also, ‘Music’ here is really a placeholder for anything that has a mysterious power of healing for you. For me, it has been music, especially that of Illenium. For my friend and brother, it’s gaming where they find their mental piece in. My fascination with music is not inconspicuous on this blog but again, the amount & variety of music that exists in this world simply blows my mind.

Travel – Things that we imagine may seem alien at times but they are not pulled out of thin air. All our crazy ideas must draw inspiration from realization – subtle or profound. Curiosity is built on the foundation of experience and grows through our inherent nature of exploration. Travel brings both these elements together. Being in the same place for a prolonged period can gradually fill up the contours of our open mind.

This has really taken a toll on me. Though I have been to a few places in the past year, it has either been for work or similar purposes. I desperately miss those trips with my friends where we lived in the moment soaking the scenery that lied in front. There were no exams, no assignments, no internships, no jobs, no question of ‘what’s next?‘ – none of the worrying elements and we just existed for the sake of it. In desolate moments, it’s important to take a step back and ponder over the bigger picture.

Communicate – Better part of my life has been spent in isolation. I don’t usually admit it (because no one asked) but I’m not afraid to write about it here. Different phases can be attributed to different reasons but this continuous period of being alone instilled a fear of loneliness in me which somehow I’m still forced to dwell in.

Image result for before assuming try this crazy method called asking

Credit – Pinterest

Sharing subsides the pain. It will all go away if I could just talk. It always has. Feedbacks are critical. Getting a fresh look over your approach may give you a chance of analyzing it from an unexpected perspective. Or even just narrating your problem to someone can make you realize a different aspect of it. Keeping it within us only let the feeling grow. It starts feeding on our conscience. It erodes us of the positive energy like a dark ball of discontentment growing bigger, it’s weight bogging us down. If I wish of anything outside my personal domain, it’s meaningful companionship.

Writing is communicating too.

Working Harder – This tops all the other points written above. While they certainly help to rejuvenate, nothing but our own effort would propel us further. Accept that you screwed up but not all is gone. Put that feeling aside and get back at work. Here’s what I have realized – It’s easy to be mediocre at something if you overcome the inertia of just pursuing it, but it takes an incredible amount of effort in order to be really good at something. Every profession is noble. They all have their elements of risk and complexity and there is no one-day wonder.

first man

We need to fail. We need to fail down here, so we don’t fail up there” – First Man

While my previous achievements may seem like I landed on the moon, only I know that I actually shot for the star and failed. No problem. I’ll come back, work on it and try once again. I’ll Keep trying until I reach there. Only I can realize my goal and no one else. For now, it must remain in me to stay afloat and not succumb to this hostility. I must fight for my dreams. These are just minor setbacks I ought to overcome so when I finally reach there, it wouldn’t be called a fluke. I will be a deserving winner.

Edit – It’s amazing how just a click can land you somewhere so relevant. So my usual Internet surfing brought me to my Pocket feed where I found this really personal article  – Earning My Smile.

I think everyone should have the privilege to read it. This article (actually a memoir) perfectly embodies the essence I wrote this post with. To be honest, it actually made me tear up. There are a lot of other things that bring dust to my eyes (ah! another secret I had upheld) but more on it later.


Note – It has been really hard for me to come forward and write about something I never talked about. I’m a private person who keeps things to myself. My introvertism would rather let it haunt me inside than to proclaim it in open, especially when it’s an insecurity I hide.

Also, I write ‘failing’ not ‘failure’ because failing is a process while failure is a consequence and I wanted to talk about it as the former. It’s been quite a while that I wrote a post this long, so hopefully, it would be of some use like few other blogs have been for me in difficult times. I’m forever grateful to them. Peace ✌

 

 

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A Moment Apart

Declutter, Rearrange, Reboot

Time is an enigmatic complexity. To be frank, I never realized my control over it, not knowing when is the right time to do anything ever. This utter mismanagement of personal life often manifests itself in my blog schedule as well. Considering the timeline of last one year, it’s audacious to even talk about a schedule. I’m sorry!

I have been writing though. I have been writing every now so often than before but the writing grew more and more personal. Confined within my notes, it became rather a coping mechanism than putting my thoughts up front. In college, it happened to be the weekend nights when I would finally sit in my room and write down whatever I wanted to, uninterrupted, undisturbed. Pausing, thinking, typing against the silence of the night. It doesn’t seem to extrapolate well outside those boundary walls though.

I jotted down topics as it came to my mind – sometimes a standalone bullet point and sometimes with little prompt, so I don’t forget the content behind conclusive titles. It always comes at the most mundane of moments, doesn’t it? Traveling or just walking by, household chores, lying down, at the moment when your muscle memory is in-charge and mind is at rest, so you are finally thinking. Writing is an utterly honest endeavor and so I have done but how much to share is what I still gauge. It’s more of an internal battle with skepticism. I’m still evolving.

4 AM Euphoria

Imagine this – you’re driving down an indefinite asphalt road, twice the fastest you have ever drove, gliding on a dark starry night and there is nothing around to distract. It’s just trees on both sides swinging with the breeze and there are distant mountains lit by moonlight that move in parallax. No beings in sight and no other vehicle to care about.

Your hair pushed back by the gushing wind that roars gently around your ears and your eyes closes to just soak it all in and blend with your exquisite surrounding. Do you feel it? Do you feel the freedom? I felt it too. like a hot air balloon that snapped the rope tying it down. Like that obscure final scene in movie ‘Birdman‘ where the protagonist jumps out of the window and just fly – a metaphorical expression of being freed.

Advantage of having eidetic memory is the ability to pull up specific instances from the past where you witnessed a similar feeling. Like the one from Peter McKinnon’s vlog where his friend Bobby in car trunk says – ‘I could just lie down here and no one will ever know’ or that scene from the movie ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind‘ where Jim Carrey lying beside Kate on a frozen ground utters – ‘I could die right now…I’m just so happy‘.

l-could-die-right-now-im-just-so-happy-ive-22655627

Courtesy – https://goo.gl/TMy7GM

Or that ending scene from ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower‘ where Emma Watson’s embracing-moment-with-open-arms is beautifully complimented by ‘We are Infinite‘ background narration.

Image result for we are infinite perks of being a wallflower

Courtesy – https://goo.gl/bhaiV3

In each of these scenarios, one felt an euphoric feeling of having found an eternal happiness. It is as if they were locked within and needed this key of a blissful moment to be unveiled. Nothing else existed. No worldly apprehensions, no weighing attachments. It’s just you trying to make sense of the present. You are bleeding contentment.

To be continued…

 

Shepard Toned

Just a little post to glide by.

I love music. I mean like a total freak. I constantly feel urge to put in my earphones and fade away from reality with the flowing melody. Also, as a film-maker, I’m in perpetual search for new tunes & new sounds.

My favourite musical artist is Illenium – just want to let you guys know and may be discover his ethereal discography.

So when MrSuicideSheep (he’s awesome!) prompted his subscribers (a whooping 9.3 Million base) to post underrated songs they love which has less than 1000 views, I knew I was up for an unexpected musical treat.

People from all over world, as wonderful as they are, started posting names of songs and artists they held as their little secret. There it was, like a paradise of floating rhythms, a musical heaven if you say so. I had to do something to retain all these names and give each of them a listen later on. This is what I did –

Songs List

Another perfect storm – burden

Nadav Cohen – Surround

Auram – Windrush

No TV no Radio – Anger

Vaboh – I’m sick of trying

Alt-j – Dissolve me/something good

Lua – Bright eyes

Essence – Somewhere down the road, we fell apart

Potsu and shiloh dynasty

Sigma – find me ft. birdy

Krowez (artist)

A himitsu flourish wither

Siames – the wolf

Left Boy – Security Check

Electro swing

Mako – Murder

Obstacles – Syd Matters

Doyle Perez – AWOL

She was – Dabin

Jay Sounds – Legacy

Rxseboy – college girl

MILKK

High Klassified – Stenio Keytar

Nightingale – Sara Kendall

Skullclub – Restart Again

May gaulin – op opa

Far from home – The Other End

David August, Sepalot – Duum Dilip, ENZU

Bad Habit – Royc3

Some days – Informal

Skill of a God – Wydron

Teflon Sega

June – sage Charmaine

Waiting in vain – rendy padugo

Last call by Lael

Energy 52 Cafe del mar

Summers day v2 by Jinsang

Sonder – Departure

Dancing – Aaron Smith (KRONO remix)

Elina – Wild Enough

Between Mountain – Into the dark

Ayia – water plant

Let’s Eat Grandma – Hot pink

Abi Ocia – Running

Broods (artist)

Shy by Hunny

Harrier – Bite the hell

Matt maeson – the hearse (album)

Billie Eilish

Cold skin by Seven Lions and Echos

Boy by ODESZA

Alec Benjamin

SEV Manoeuvres (Prod. Cashmoney AP)

Menke – Moln

Anica – Ravens

Deamn – Hypnotized

Code: Pandorum – Harakiri

Dear Rouge – Phase Album (Boys & Blodes and chains)

machineheart – Overgrowth

Finneas – Break My Heart Again

Dorox – Alone

Rival & Cadmium – Heartbeat (Fet. Veronica Bravo) (Ader Remix)

Stay or Follow – Many Faces

Blood/water by grandson

Doodie – sick of loosing soulmates

Crywolf & Illenium – Shrike

Path of a hero – niklas johansson

Shinigami – nobody

Muddy- Bubblegum

Shingo Nakamura – Nothing

Something Duderpatrullen

Wasted Ceremony – Without you

Midnight Kids – Find Our Way

Natural Selection by Bearos

DM Galaxy – Burial

Dominic Pierce – Still ft. Felivand

Movements – pham

Agnes Obel – Riverside

Tezatalks – find me

Passenger seat by clueless kit

Unitl Ruins – Survive

Fix this – soran

ALoan – No feat, no bravey

Au/Ra – panick Room

Ludo – love me dead

Modestep & Koven | Taken it All

Hookers – Tierra Whack

Ringtail – Cry alone

Bassnectar – Lost in the crowd (locoja remix)

Tom Odell

Emmanoodle

Love sick boys by Conan Gray

Kyko – Nature

AL3JANDRO – A street car named desire or bury me with my gold.

krydaform – drift  (slphr. remix)

Valentine HER

Magger we weren’t nothing

Friend (Acoutic Remix) – FRND

Fox stevenson – glue gun , fox Stevenson never before

Crisis by ZQH

Ryan Caraveo – Perfect World

Volor Flex – Wait

Denis Neve – Cold

Marcho marche – song of us

The Ali a intro

Chloe Adams and Once Monsters – Messed up

Khamsin & LeMarquis Leaving

Take/five Tell me

Weathers – Shallow Water

CelDro & Wholm – Essence

Kimya Dawson – The Competition

Two:22

ddu du du by blackpink

Flacko veli

Adam Jensen – Pretty Please

Holy other – know where

Christian French – superstars

Uncharted Memory by Maekc

Animadrop – in love with the night sky

killedmyself – the 1965 world cup (ft. taylor mrogan)

Come Alive by FMLYBND

Imagine Dragons – I bet my life

Tomorrows another day – CMA

There’s something special – Pokki DJ

Things to say – Youth in Circles

Playing safe- Martell

Olivia ruby’s songs

Subscape malet

Killboy

Mogili ft. NOVAA – Tonic Water (Snocker Cot remix)

So Happy Together by The Turtles

Waves by Chloe Moriondo

Some newer Savant – In Your Name

Open Field by Allamedah

Leuan-Honey Laveder

Anything by Xo Sad

Filly in the box – grey fire

Sweet Dreamer – Will Joseph Cook

Neffex – Summertime

Neffex – Welcome to the city

Old artist – Skrux, Crywolf, Mrfijiwiji, digital daggers, laura brehm, feint, grabitz, blackmill,

dabin, flexprod, TheFatRat, Gemini, Mako, PatrickReza, singurality, Skoto, stalgia

Mewmore Ogilt

Blan – Hold On

Robot Koch – Nitesky

Tritonal – Out My Mind (Apek Remix)

Zymosis feat. Katya Chilly – i zemili

Blank – Hold On

Edge by Tobias Lundergard

Mr FijiWiji – Lost Lost Lost

I’ve got you brother by Kodaline

Mewmore ‘Battle! Diantha’

Zaya – Exist in Me

J-Mox – Melina and Mahout Hunter

Omar Lynxs

Sourpatch Kids – Bryce Vine

Alcatraz – Oliver Riot

Nico and Vinz – So Bad

Eivor – Mjorkaflokar

Mochi – Taste of your love

Ina – you

Ina – Feels like home

Hats feat. Diana Fire

Ruth Calixto – Phoenix

Contessa – Running

Asaf Avidan (artist)

Whatever it takes- Imagine Dragons

Kobel – Don’t hit my line

Hippo army ‘dance flow’

Robert Miles- Fable

Wrong thing – Janine

Lady Bee – Homeless Heart

Les Castizos & Ally Eckmann – Get Over it

Delphi Freeman – My World

Vice by rkcb

Pheeniks silence slowed remix

Believed in you – Janine

Billy Raffoul – Unitl The Hurting is Gone

Finneas – Break my Heart Again

Sublab – Rose (Feat Mads)

Rings in Rings in Rings by A Shell in the sand

Halo – Boston Maner

Monster by Martin Hall (acoustic)

Ayreon – Merlin’s Will

All I know – Jandro (rap)

Mimi page – lullaby for the loney (yinyues remix)

Boing Boing – The Seige

That thing – Parrad

Polaroid – Cabadzi (French Band)

Tinder by limbo

Bad Dream Hotline – FOE

Clairvoyance Peak – Sound Remedy

Beautiful – The Nicholas (ft. San Holo)

Out of Order – Michl

Rynx- I’m alright

Drainpuppet – VEXT

Wonders (the AGST remix)

Alec Benjamin – Boy in the bubble

Eden – gold

Val – Mi amor

She couldn’t – Linkin Park

Spirit of the Lillies – Lockyn

Egs – Six days

Fall Into your from Cosmic Gate

Shinigami – a fallen angel

New Phynix ft. Matthew Steeper – Sparks

Katastro

Awake At Night – LOWES

Bad Tourist- Madelyn Darling

pxzvc – bad idea

Toybox redrapper

To the wonder – aqualung ft kina grannis

Midnight City – M83

I’m sad- Bassti

Romeo and Juliet Nino rota

Magic ft. Laladee- Capture (AZURA Remix)

New For You – Reeve Carney

Rei Brown

Heartafire

Copy cat – Billie Eilish

Djfriz – Dive

Cheery Coke – Blind

Bughunt – Morse

Shallou’s music

Yungblud

m i s t – eevee

Lexurus – Forever

Fluerie – Turns You Into Stone

Nekzlo – heading home

Kyddiekafka – Everlasting

Wisp x – mint

cYsmix – Fright March

WARR!OR & Eloy Smith – Come With Me

Chelsea Cutler

Rule the fire – IMLAY

Btsm – Fae down (crystalize remix)

Nine Roses – wiguez

Bro Safari – follow

Barnes Courtney

Haud U – Lil Peep

D3tail- Cloudy day

Lightspeed by Amadeus

Lost my mind – elley duhe

Illoquence and Rythmatical – If you’re the one

Christian Tierne – 26 Hours

Graves – Hilo feat. Boombox Cartel

Sublab & Wistful – My Love

Evanturetime – Sober

Home – resonance

Yuutsu – sun, slow

Casilofi – Little treasure

Kate Rusby

Simple Plan (emo rock)

Collide – Fytch

New Years Daya – Malevolence

NEFFEX – Take Me Away

Z Tapes

Forgive me – Miqu beats

STAHL – Chemicals

Rise – Jaydon Lewis

Unknow – the macabees

Khai dreams – fireflies

Portugal by the highs

HrDavs – Afternoon

Jellyfish – Yunomi

Every Other Lie – Oliver Has a Band

Sublab – Polarity Waves

2000f & jkamata – you don’t know what love is

N’to Croche

Khai Dreams – Find my way

The Greatest Showman soundtrack

Stars Come Out – Calvin Harris

Shinobi – cold without you

Luke Christopher – Believer/Tmrwfrvr Album/Roses

Three days grace

AJ super – nightmares

oomiee – Hotshot

Convolk

Jacob Lee

Adam sample – weekend

Bohnes

Mounika – Intro (slowed)

Sink or swim – Castor Tony

Dean – Insragram

Bleachers – Don’t take the money

Ember – KLP

Apstract – Fade Away II

Mushroom people – LOWWS

07 Nepal Kodak White

TENDER (artist)

Brothel, Siewalks and skeletons – Dissolution

OflYne – Rain

Karmic – Higher self

DJ Quads music

Sleeping At Last (artist)

Now’s new album ‘Saved’

Do You Miss Me At All – Bridgit Mendler

Gravity Bong – Meth Wax

Blue valentina- Nina

Soda on siphon – Elegant pumpkin

Kubi & Hubba – Boom

Zealyn – Limbic System

In love with a ghost please

Remix of leave the lights on – Meiko

Kungs – Be right here

The Tech Thieves – Gold

Cinders- 100 foxes

Bhones – middle finger

Guatemala swae Lee

Atic – astrid s

Antoje = TrahaGaine

The Galaxy feat. Sophie Simmons – Dangerous

Say hi to your mom (artist)

HAWN (on BANDCAMP)

LNLYK

We are the hearts

Alone Tonight – Digital Daggers

North Atlantic Explorers – Into the Blue Sea

Here’s what I got in return –

MrSuicideSheep.PNG

Thank you Sheepy! 🙂

Flat & Realism : On Quarter-Life Crisis

I visit the bookmarks in my browser one day, as I normally do, scrolling through the numerous gateways to my explored treasures of the Internet. Scrolling down and scrolling back up and there at the top, something catches my attention. It’s one of my first bookmarks, a link to a website titled – ‘Flat design vs. realism‘. By mere glance, all these snapshots flashes before me.

It was a battle. Back in 2013, when the Internet junta fought over the fate of it. Will flat design finally overshadow realistic 3-D rendition or will the later continue to dominate? It was the time when the websites finally bow down to the king of interfaces.

Don’t worry! I’m not going to give a lecture on ‘Effective UI building – the history & the future’. Nope.

Anyway, I must tell that the website was fun to scroll through. I couldn’t find the live site URL, so here is something from the archive.

There was an actual fight – you pick the side, you want to fight for.

Flat VS Realism screenshot 3

But here’s the thing that I want to emphasize through this whole build up – both of these sides were equally powerful on their own to dominate the Internet UI space. Both of them had their own pros & cons (one having more than other) and each of them had their following (once again, one having more than other). But at the end, only one has to stay.

Few days ago, I was confronted with a similar choice. But unlike previous time, it was my personal career at stake. Before graduating from college, I was working in this newly inaugurated incubator space called ‘Center for Healthcare Entrepreneurship’ as a technical assistant to the fellows. I started out as an intern (pioneer batch technically) and stuck to it throughout my final year.

The Turn It Takes

To move is to be alive. Motion in itself, is a characteristic of liveliness. As much it is true in the literal sense, its figurative implications dominate without exception. Contrary to those who dread change, I for one, welcome them. Not that I’m not skeptical what it brings with it but I get bored with the mere concept of settling in.

How can someone be contempt when there is so much to explore out there? You haven’t even tried all these sorts of thing. How could you be adamant on this being your style.

Reading, writing, watching, talking, reacting, experimenting – all these are aspects of exploration – an exposure to the vastness of the world outside and the world within. It irks me when I feel myself slipping into comfort zone. I get uncomfortable instead.

jumps back to being vulnerable again

I despise mundanity and to counter the mold that I was kind of settling into, regarding my video making process, I decided to bring some change this time. It took me a while to finally upload it because the footage used were gathered over a vast spectrum of events. Finding a coherent story that ran through these random footage was a fun part to explore. I wanted to showcase more intimate part of my personality which was somewhat disguised in my earlier videos.

With that being said, dear readers, here I present you – The New Kind.

From Sharpened Nib Of My Mighty Quill…

Phhhhwwwwhat’s up everyone?

Good to see you all back here. Hope you’re having a good day. Before I proceed, let me take a moment to wish you all a very happy new year. It’s almost the end of first month. Darn it! I know it’s quite late but pardon me when I say that I have been working on some new stuffs for this blog (along with other pretty amazing things) – Wait till the drum rolls the 2018 style!

It’s been a surreal month as some of my previous Januaries of past years – kickstarting the new year, meeting some new people, meeting my family and of-course lots of work on both professional and personal end. I’m sure you’ll feel this renewed enthusiasm in my upcoming contents.

For the streak must continue, today I have few poems for you guys. These have been promptly written during the desperate breathing hours of my hectic work. Enjoy!

1. The One With Words

Scratch, Scribble, Doodle,

Strike, Hash, Shade,

Let your pencil

Scroll on sheet;

Roll on its nib

As it oozes of its tip;

When you move it between your fingers

And put it back to life,

When you drag it through, in yonder,

With all your might to write,

It may put scars on perchy paper,

Inscribe tool that no weaponry can beat,

Don’t mess with so-called hopper,

For my words can emblaze you like shit.

 

2. The One With Hidden Desires

How shallow is this ravenous self

That seek attention amidst the celebration;

Holding some secrets, keeping some mysteries,

Playful grin that reappears and stretches,

Reveals a story that’s best kept hidden

Within the comfort of your cushiony arms;

There it lie & pry,

On whatever remains of your shrinking heart.

 

3. The One With Winter Feelings

Petrifying wind & freezing water,

Shivering lives and burning carter,

Smoking without cigarettes,

oozing without cuts,

Stammering without inhibitions,

Murmuring without buts;

Loosing your hold ,

On what once was bold;

Bowing before the fury,

seeking the savior heat;

There lie thou helpless mankind,

Darn your pride which this cold shamelessly beat.