Soliloquy of Eloquence

…Relieving myself to catch the breath out of the continual dilemma of thought and action, I thought of penning down my thoughts again with the little acquired eloquence of my conscience.

Pretty easy it is, to just read out the words on the go but simultaneously bearing with yourself a notion of uncertainty of getting its true perception, isn’t it? While the irony is, my pseudo-true pretension of not finding much to write actually forms the content of my writing. The obvious here is again the unrevealed anonymity of your instinct so far conceived as the adorned snippet of nature’s source code with a call to my inbuilt function. phew! it just went too complex but that’s not a problem, after all its just fantasy of my imagination.

Probably, I am bored and exhausted with the usualness of events, with the repetitive visualization of the same surrounding by my ever-anticipating-excitement but tired eyes, with the people around, possessing their usual behaviour of fooling themselves with the false-belief of emotional self-reliancy. May be something is missing in my perception or in them, who knows and who will probe? probably no one and the boredom continues. Writing just presents me with a narrow escape from the extrapolation of easily guessable events and when that writing is for you, ahem! I think that’s enough said.

Sometimes I try with the alternative of Social Medias! well yes, they are still in the option which I try to avoid as much as I can, but its true that they somewhere, sometimes so-called ‘connects’ you to someone but most of the times they are those, whom you readily don’t want to connect with. So, I usually end up editing my profile adding ‘What movies have you watched’, ‘What music have you listened to’, yada-yada, turning my experience into a regret rather than enjoying it!

Sometimes I try to engage myself in work, getting busy with my learning tasks so that I no longer think of the circumstances, sitting in front of my laptop, browsing through numerous websites with the gradual arousal of sense that how less I know about my own world, about our own people whom we live with and I keep digging into that metaphoric well of infinite mystery. But in that too, one usually gets bored after sometimes as you don’t find the enough motivation to continue because the people whose presence motivated you are not there. Their absence acting as if some inconspicuous force trying to bring you back in the world, from which you were making an escape.

Sometimes I try to let the time just pass by, watching movies, songs, comedy videos to bring back my long-lost laughter or reading & writing the answers on Quora – celebrating the intellect of the people, try to connect with that bunch of people who still possess thirst for information and are genuine enough to share their hard-acquired knowledge, sometimes ending up with ‘You have me at that’ type answers, sometimes being sarcastic or going with their intentional pun.

And while I wrote all these, it was 5’o Clock morning and still I was not getting the sleep. Argh! this loneliness doesn’t let you even sleep in peace but ironically itself being perceived as the notion of ‘extreme peace’ . I give it a pause and finally sleep at 7’o clock in morning and then that period of repentance starts when I woke up late realizing that I have missed my breakfast and probably going to miss the lunch too. Its not that I am experiencing it now, it was there before but even this repentance was fun when my friends were there- engaging in the seems-to-be-never-ending conversations of exploring each other’s life, sleeping up late mostly in morning and finally waking up late just to see the friends scolding each other because the receiving end didn’t woke him up. That was perceptible where the usual feeling of having missed the breakfast was suppressed by the cherishable moments of friendship but now even they are not around.

Somewhere something is missing apart from all those obvious, perhaps the experiencing of that underrated pleasure of feeling a supporting hand by your shoulder which cheers you up. Its of that person whom you value the most, whom you really respect and care for and whom your instinct had the direst need for! But somewhere in heart there is a relieving sense brought about with the thought of you enjoying the vacation, with your family members and the dear ones whom you would be probably meeting with after long time bearing a beautiful smile. And its that thought of your smile that still keeps me going strong with my chores because each morning, the sun rays brings with itself the messenger for carrying my prayer meant for the delight and welfare of my family members and you (hope I would not have to write them separately later). Its waking up with the first task of mentally picturing the smile of my parents attached up with yours which (well I am running out of the words here but anyway!) just gets you going without fear.

But there is a catch for leaving you (until my next effort of writing something again) with a sense of positivity- I would probably go home in few days to meet my parents, my brothers and sisters and other family members (well no adjective can describe their care and love). Each day gazing my way of arrival, they seem to be incomparably excited just to have a glimpse of mine and Maa always ready there on each phone call with her usual question- ‘When are you boarding the train?’.  It feels relieving after all its the family and their values that you preserve throughout your life. And while I have presented here just an anecdote of my continual thoughts, its ongoing and I think I would probably keep them for my next content processing, so before signing off just to say- “TO BE CONTINUED….”




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