More pressure I put on myself, more I seem to yield before my unwillingness.
What’s out there?
There are continuous clinks of the keyboard against the silent night and then just the silence until it is disturbed again by the continuous thuds of intermittent typing.
What do I seek?
There’s a story, larger than life, laying far beyond my reach. And I have parts of it, too many of them to make a comprehensive connection. Comprehension – yes! Wish I could dictate it to myself. Hearing over, making my own interpretation and gaining not loosing in translation. There is uncontainable blankness that extends as far as I see. On both sides, laying my sharp vision indistinguishable from its formidable blurriness. Zoom out.
As an engineer, I’m tempted to use equations. To find it out in the first place. Formulate it – an elegant relation of numbers and variables that would predict what I don’t see. Isn’t how it has been done so far? General theory of relativity, existence of gravitational waves or solar wind – it was all there on paper through maths, long before any of it were proven.
Maths has interesting ways of showing itself in our physical world. Fibonacci sequence, golden ratio, the ubiquitousness of π – so much so that we seem to believe it’s discovered no invented. But here I see too many variables to put diligently into a singular function that agrees with all my reality. If it isn’t a function, then we enter into the realm of alternate realities – too hard for me to verify. No, not that.
I have lost the concept of ‘impossible’ somewhere on the course of my discoveries that had me thrown myself into disbelief. Is it even possible? (let alone humanely possible) But it is and hence my loosening connection. I have been watching far too many documentaries about exploration, tracking down the precise point in recent history when mankind decided to venture beyond it’s perceived boundary.
I’m not interested in war. Not keen on learning about the greed to conquer territory. I’m fascinated by that inherent curiosity which led one to ask the very same question I am asking myself now, in ever so connected world. A simple question – what’s out there? and the unfailing endeavor, characteristic of humanity to entertain its curiosity.
The fear of unknown is subsided by the thrill of adventure. Adventure has uncertainty associated with it which more so fueled the inquisitiveness. The reason I talk about these grand discoveries is my will to see its manifestation over creation. This is the thing with me – the more power I wish to have over my creation, the more powerless it makes me feel as if it is embedded somewhere deep within. The same place where this curiosity arises from.
With that thrill of the chase, I move to the month of November. Don’t know if the prize is fictional as Terra Australis or as real as the Forrest Fenn’s treasure hunt but farther I uncover this infinite mystery, a different kind of infinity it becomes. After all, not all infinities are equal. (another fun fact for the curious minds!)
Happy Halloween folks! Have a spooky one 🎃