Looking For The Silver Lining

Months came and months went by. Here I am, in front of my laptop, on the last day of another ending month hoping to utter out the reasons for the silence I’ve been holding within. Each rising day, I would wish to write about so many things I want to talk to you about but at the end of it when I’m finally in my room, my plans are pushed on the next day’s court.

In the end of this seemingly perpetual fight to drag myself through another uneventful day, I would be left to stare at the blank canvas that would scream to be written on. And once again I would ignore its plea for not the sufficient energy has left within me to replay the story in my head I want to write about, to recall my observations and my learning that I want to share, to unveil the parts of my heart that I want to showcase.

I feel like being comfortably numb. Few days ago I was informed of the training that I have to attend at a faraway place that would have given me my much needed break yet my inner self felt on a disagreement. Here’s a diary entry of mine that I think captures the essence –

The reason I don’t want to go some other place is because of this streak of mundanity that has set in my life. I’m bored. Not frustrated but bored. I have seen busier times. I’ve encountered my horrifically hasty self who didn’t even had the time to catch his breath.

Now I see myself being impervious to this daily ordeal. This buzzing entropy doesn’t seem to disturb my stability. I may act out of necessity but there is no wholesome involvement. And I feel I could channelize this boredom into something beautiful. A strength of creation forming within, which I lay unaware of.

If I disturb this equilibrium, I might loose my edge. A little nudge would set my momentum into a different direction. At this point, I just feel the propensity of this forming fire.

I’m sure it is just a phase and this too shall pass. I promise you it won’t be long before I gather the strength of my senses. I miss not being active on this community. I miss the wonderful dwellers of this blogosphere which I have grown along, over the years.

Till I come up with some consolidated contents to update this post with, here’s something I made a while back for you to enjoy –